Feeling old, LOVED, alone, and inspired.

Old folk like me...
For whatever reason my lower back is a-aching, which makes me feel like I'm pushing 60! No 24 year old wants to exclaim "oh, my back!" (To be fair, I suppose most 60+ers don't particularly enjoy such exclamations either). Come on youthfulness, do your thing!

LOVE...
Last Sunday the subject of plantain frying (and eating!) came up between Jay and I.
Jay is a super cool Wildfire dude who faithfully studies the Word and encourages his peers week by week. Now, it turns out there's a woman in the church named Lizzie who makes a mean plantain, and I just so happened to participate in a bible study with Lizzie on Women's Day 2 weeks ago. I remember noticing her clear understanding of her identity in Christ and her gratitude for salvation and restoration...beautiful! So, deciding that I needed more friends in the area and with the pure intention of blessing her by engaging her in a chat about what she does well, I hunted Lizzie down and inquired as to how to make the best plantains in the west! (er, of England.) She joyfully told me and I went on my merry way. Then, last night at Wildfire I was met with a very excited Jay who was holding a bag of 3 enormous plantains, telling me that they were from Lizzie for me. Oh Lizzie! Thanks for your kindness! We fried them up "right quick"and enjoyed serving them with toothpicks. Ah the ways our Lord shows us his love!

Alone...
I am feeling alone, so to speak this week. Really missing home and not particularly enjoying life over here. I so wish this weren't the case! I pray that Jesus reveals to me His heart for me today, as well as the idolatry in my own heart, which is robbing me of the joy I'm meant to have in Christ.

Inspired...
I was reading Jeremiah 13 this morning, all the while chewing on the idea of my "purpose" here in Liverpool. To be honest, I was mainly intrigued by: "The Ruined Loincloth," which is the subtitle for this passage. I'm thinking fashion-wise, this will not be applicable. However, knowing the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, the symbolism will most assuredly hit home with blatant conviction and truth. So, basically (and I mean basic) Jeremiah is told to put on a loin cloth without dipping in into water. Then he is told later on to hide the loincloth in a rock cleft and leave it there. Then after some time God tells him to retrieve the loincloth: "And behold, the loincloth was spoiled; it was good for nothing."(vs. 7) I was inspired by the redundancy of verse 7 because it defines what is precisely meant by the word 'spoiled = good for nothing.' When we are worshiping other gods and using what He's given us and gifted us with for evil and prideful purposes, we are truly spoiling ourselves and we become like a ruined loincloth. We are of no use to God separated from His will and holy purpose for us. You've done it again God of Abraham! Finding my purpose in anything more specific than clinging to you and allowing your Holy Spirit to move with me and through me renders me good for nothing.

Oh that we might be for Him "a people, a name, a praise, and a glory." Amen.


"Then the word of the Lord came to me: 'Thus says the Lord: Even so will I spoil the pride of Judah and the great pride of Jerusalem. This evil people, who refuse to hear my words, who stubbornly follow their own heart and have gone after other gods to serve them and worship them, shall be like this loincloth, which is good for nothing. For as the loincloth clings to the waist of a man, so I made the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah cling to me, declares the Lord,that they might be for me a people, a name, a praise, and a glory, but they would not listen."
Jeremiah 13:8-11

“...The foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.”

“And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the Lord,
‘For he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.’
And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the Lord,
because the foundation of the house of the Lord was laid.”

Ezra 3:11

Living in England...
I have been living in Liverpool, England for nearly one month now, and it seems like only yesterday I was freaking out about Visa documents back in Seattle, while talking on the phone with Mike at a ridiculous hour! (Thankfully those days are over.) Yet now I am face with the same time difference situation (only reversed), but this time I’m opposite everyone else! Sometimes I just talk to God about how cool it would be if I could have my friends, family & church with Mike at the same time! But He reminds me that He has a purpose unbeknownst to me here and that although I miss everyone terribly, He is my sustainer and comforter.

The Universal Church...
The coolest part about moving over here has been meeting people who love Jesus with all of their heart, soul, and might. (Duet. 6:5) I think I grew a bit too comfortable in my home environment, to the point where anywhere else didn’t seem quite as worship-centred or holy to me. What a mistake! I have learned the hard lesson that I have limited God’s power in my mind to only using me in Seattle, Costa Rica, Mexico, England (when I CHOSE to go there for Bible school!) but not to England, where I have followed my husband, who is following God’s calling. It’s really messed up because it reveals how much I long to be sovereign over Heidi’s world (like it’s my own). It’s as if I wake up each morning and tap my fingers together, George-Burns-style, as I say to myself: “Hmm, how shall I rule my world today...”

I am Learning...
But I am learning to remember that I am creaTION and He is creaTOR and therefore I am here for His purpose and not mine (oh praise Him!) I am also re-learning His power and truth while practicing worship a bit differently. I struggle at times with how different the church services are here at St. Bridget’s than back at Mars Hill Church, where it seems I was spoiled rotten! (Or spurred on to bear ripe fruit?) All in all, I am spending more time listening to the Lord and truly seeking what exactly he wants from me here. Oh by the way, He told me He wants the same from me here as He did back home; my uncompromised worship and devotion! Even though it’s a bit tougher to rely on Him completely over here due to my own worldly weaknesses and impotent idols, it is the most freeing feeling to be 100% sure that He will be faithful to teach and satisfy me for His great glory and my great joy.

The Little Things... and the Big!
The Holy Spirit is reminding me to be content in all situations, as Paul so perfectly says in Philippians 4:11-13. Although I cannot compare my suffering to his, as I have never been truly hungry, imprisoned or in any great need (save for a savior), but I am experiencing a lot of change all at once. Even petty things like having a washing machine that’s outside in a shed, not having a drier and learning how to hang-dry everything, having a freezer that barely fits ice cube trays, using a gas oven and stove, figuring out how to bake and cook using grams, walking down unfamiliar streets to get to the store, to church, to the clinic, working on my resume so that it looks more like a British CV. Things that you wouldn’t even think about until you are forced to learn them. I love learning new things and have very “itchy feet” if you will when I’m standing in one place too long. Therefore, the greatest inward confusion is why I am battling so much with all this change! Oh yeah, suddenly being a wife and having a husband! This is by far is the coolest change I’ve ever experienced! I have never seen so much of my Holy Father’s love through one person as I have through Mike.

Jesus and His bride...
I listened to “Beloved” by Tenth Avenue North yesterday and just started crying out of nowhere! Yes, I walked down the aisle to that song and yes I was caught up in the emotion that I feel for my husband and the gratefulness for his amazing love. But more than that, it was thinking of Jesus calling us saying: “give me your life, the lust and the lies, my immaculate bride you will be” that really got to me! What a beautiful and mysterious concept! That Jesus would take us filthy and defiled from our sin and shame and transform us into His beautiful church, cleansed by His blood, redeemed by His sacrificed, reunited with our Father and made holy by His resurrection. What wondrous love is this? Oh my soul, oh my soul!